He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You can't just leave with hair like that
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
