If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
