Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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