Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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