I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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