I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
