dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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