Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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