I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
