I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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