and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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