If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
