dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
