I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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