I cannot find my penis.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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