Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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