i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
