sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
