he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
