the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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