there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
