So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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