did you get engaged???
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
