Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
they call him Oral-B. enough said
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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