The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
