My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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