Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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