I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
