my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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