she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
