I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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