you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
