Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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