garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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