Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
