remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
