We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
