so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
