Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize