woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
