Can i not drive my cunt home
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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