walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
