You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize