Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
