but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
