i don't plan on having that self control this summer
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
This house was built for laser tag.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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