I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize