You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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