I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
