If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
