can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
