I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
