I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
