North Korea, Best Korea!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize