discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
