I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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