Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just want to make out with him forever
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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