I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
