the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
