Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
