Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So. Much. Porn.
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