She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize