Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
