it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize