Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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