My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
