I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
