This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
