i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
