she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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