my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
