What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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