fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
40s are totally the cure
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
